I haven't blogged in ages...

I totally skipped April.  For good reason.  It sucked.  I had such high hopes for March - I was going to lose 10 pounds plus a smidge to be finally under 300 pounds.  That's a lot for one month, but I was going to do it.

And in March, I gained about 4 pounds.  For no reason that I can pinpoint.  Talk about frustrating.  It went up as much as 10 pounds and then back down a bit, but never back to the low I had hit in February of 310.  Up-down-up-down-up-down for weeks, hovering around 315.

So certainly April would be better, right?  Nope.  I gained one pound in April.  But in April, I knew the "whys."  The March frustration gave me a "who-gives-a-crap" attitude.  I had had gains before that went away in a reasonable amount of time.  But not like what happened in March.  And I suppose it pushed me past any point of being able to soldier on.  Easter arrived, with Easter candy and other assorted treats.  I kept counting calories (mostly), but I did go for quite a while without weighing.  I have to remind myself that skipping the scale is NOT a good idea.

It's almost as though I picked up 5 pounds and then maintained for two months.  I had 750 minutes of exercise in April; 500 in March.  In both months, I had hoped to hit 1000.  This month, I might make it, because I'm now on a bit of a roll.

Since May 1st, I've lost back down to 310 - lost those 5 pounds I picked up over the 2 prior months - and I've also lost a couple of more.  I'm 8 pounds away from being under 300.  Finally.  I'm not putting pressure on myself to make it by the end of May.  I might.  But I might not.  I'm shooting for Flag Day, actually - that's about 5 weeks from now.

I discovered that I can maintain (up a little/down a little on a day-to-day basis) if I eat 2300-2600 calories.  Eating less than 2000 has gotten me back on the losing track (along with 6 days per week of exercise).  I hope that I can keep losing at this level for some time, reducing to 1800 and then 1600 over time.  I really (really) don't want to have to go as low as 1200 to lose.  Maybe at the very end.  But the end is not near.

Another milestone approaches - being under 50 BMI.  I should hit that by Flag Day, too.  Flag Day should be a good one.

Final Week of March (Madness)

So I set a lofty goal to lose 10 pounds in March. I realized I probably wouldn't get there, but I thought I could get close - bringing me close to the *magic number* of 299.

As of this morning, I have gained 6 pounds in March. Alrighty then.

Part of it I understand, and part of it I don't. Most of it I don't. But I really don't need to spend any time re-hashing it at this point. It is what it is...and I have to move forward from where I am, no matter how I got here. Believe me...I've examined it plenty. Just don't need to re-examine it here!

What I need is to just do it. Less talk and more action. And in that vein...

Goals for the week:

1. Stay in my 1800-2100 calorie range every day
2. 30 minutes of exercise every day (cardio/intervals)
3. Get 7 hours of sleep each weeknight; 9 on the weekends

Looks simple, doesn't it?

March Madness

I had a big goal in March - to reach 299. We are halfway through the month (almost), and all I have done is gain and lose the same 2-5 pounds. It's been very frustrating.

Part of the time, I was still doing "the right stuff" and the scale was behaving oddly. So that must be water weight - I've had that happen before where the scale inexplicably goes up 4-6 pounds, and then it comes back down because I stay strong.

Last time, it seemed to take about 18 days to come back down - with my cycle in the middle there, which usually has it's own odd effect on the scale.

But this time...it didn't come back down. And this time, I didn't stay as strong as I have before.

I haven't hit any drive throughs, but I have pinched a few of my husband's tater tots. I got cheap chicken for the family at Popeye's last night and did NOT get a basket for myself...but I did have some ice cream. And there a few more examples that I don't need to share. The bottom line is that I didn't stay strong. So now, the fact that the scale is not moving can't be chalked up to an oddity or a water weight shift. Now it's on me.

On the positive side...I haven't really gained. I'm just a couple of pounds over my lowest, so making a figurative U-turn should get me right back on track.

Today...no ice cream. And I'm going to make sure I get to the pool. The issue, I think, that has made me not as strong this time around is that there are lots of stressful things going on. I need to remind myself that I deal better with stress when I exercise and eat right -much better than when I don't.

Passed a milestone and didn't realize it

My next mini-goal had been to reach 110 pounds lost, and I did that a few days back. I usually would have cheered and then immediately come here to mark off that goal on the sidebar. But I totally forgot. I'm now down a little more than 1 pounds from there, so working toward 115.

This year (and relatively soon) will be the year that I drop below 300. I can't wait. The holidays were stressful and then I had a stressful business/family trip, and then I had my typical week of recovery after a trip (something I hope gets easier as I continue to get smaller, because part of that is physical; part mental). But after all that passed, I was finally able to get back to "normal."
Normal now is getting in at least 4 days of exercise in the pool - still my favorite way to work out. The classes have been really good - intense intervals, lots of resistance, heart rate up, etc. Normal is eating lots of vegetables - still my secreat to weight loss - in addition to lean protein, other good carbs, and good fats. The key is that this normal is something that I know I can continue - and I know I'll have to.

My upcoming challenges will be a trip to California and a trip to Galveston. The latter will be to see my dad, in April. And I would really like to be under that 300 mark by then. There are a lot of mini-milestones in this weight range - weight when I got married (about 300), weight at the doctor after my daughter was born (297), weight when I first tried TOPS in 1996 (303). I'm looking forward to passing all of these by very soon and moving to numbers with a "2" in front for the next year and a bit.

Why does it take longer than 2 months to lose 5 pounds?

It's not a fair question, really. Because I did lose almost 9 pounds in January. But when I look back at my progress, I see that I hit 318 at the end of November (after Thanksgiving), and I have get to hit 313. I did hit 313.25 last week, but that doesn't quite cut it. And the scale has bounced up and down with 2 pounds since then.

The problem, since I clearly lost 9 pounds in January, is obviously the pounds I put on in December. They are gone now, so I need to move on, to unplowed territory - pounds I haven't lost before. But the December weight still irks me. So I'll make one last mention of it and then let it go.

Did I eat more over the holidays? Yes. Did I eat so much more that I should have gained almost 10 pounds. Not as far as I'm concenred.

Was I stressed? Yes. From mid-December to mid-January, there was excess stress.

Did I get enough sleep? No. See the above timetable.

Did I get enough exercise? No. Ditto.

I did the thing that I hate to do, and it's something I really need to work on. When something "big" is on the horizon, something that takes a lot of planning, I generally end up not having enough time to get everything done, exercise, and get enough sleep. And it's truly not that I'm over-committing or trying to do everything perfectly. I do well to just get everything done at the minimally acceptable level. But to have enough time to get things done at that level, I have to let exercise and some sleep go by the wayside. That plus the stress is what I think resulted on a 1/1/12 weight that was about 9 pounds higher that my weight in early December.

When things are "normal," I can do much better. But life is full of big, exciting things to participate in, so I need to work on this issue. That way I can at least stay the same, instead of gaining weight.

The big things that cause this derailing are holidays, usually. This time there was also a business trip/family vacation that came up in January, so a double-whammy. We are working hard this year on decluttering and making things simpler. That will help a lot with the problem of having "so much to do" before a holiday or trip. So I think I'm on the way to making the next time (which is likely coming up in April) easier.

__________

On a realted note, I keep getting closer to that 313 mark. I need to get past that speedbump so that I can make some headway toward 299. I hope I can get there before the April "event."

Back to the Pool and a New Low

It's been a while since I got in my water aerobics class. I tried once last week, and the water temp was in the high 70s due to a broken heater. They had cancelled swimming lessons for the kiddos due to the cold water, and I was feeling like I was coming down with something, so I bailed. (Excuse alert!)

I did do some other exercise last week, but I wanted to get back to the pool. I didn't make it, mostly because I was so darn tired. I took two-hour naps after work almost every day...and given that we need to skip take-out and eat at home, I also spent more time cooking dinner. Which meant biking at home and no pool. I lost weight, so it was alright.

However...this week I planned to take care of myself better, plan ahead better, and get to the pool. So with dinner in the crock pot and the fatigue of last week gone (hormonal), I got myself to my deep water class - the one that's full of strong swimming/running and intervals. Got there, and though I'd been told the heater was fixed, that was apparently an urban legend. Water temp - 80 degrees. But this time I didn't bail. It was darn cold - but after a few minutes things warmed up and all was well.

It felt so good to be back moving huge muscles through the resistance of the water, feeling my cheeks flush and my heart beat faster. Feeling my core muscles working and growing stronger.

They've changed the weekend class to an instructor that I'm not fond of, so my water classes will now be confined to Monday-Thursday nights, with the occasional morning if I end up taking off a day. And on Saturday/Sunday, I can always work out on my own in the pool. My internal debate today is whether to order a new swimsuit (on sale today only) in a style that is not exactly my favorite, but is really a good price, or stick with the suit that is falling apart. I'd like to get a really nice new suit when I get under 300 pounds, but I don't know if what I have can hang on that long - and if the extra cost (more than double) is worth it. Must decide by midnight.

And the scale showed a new low - finally. Only .25 pounds under the prior low, but I'll take it. The holiday/vacation bloat and gain is gone. 9.5 pounds lost in January, with one day left to go. Not too shabby.

3 to 4 pounds

That's how much I can lose in a week. Well, last week, anyway. I had lost 4.25 pounds as of about day 4, and then it bounced up/down/up over the next three days (thank you, hormones).

So the official tally at the end of the week was just over 3 pounds, and then today (8 days in), back sown to the 4.25. So far this month, it's 8.5 pounds, which I'll gladly take, since two weeks were holiday/vacation weeks.

I'm struggling (in my head) with something that I've struggled with before. I don't want losing weight to become all that I'm about. I feel like I spend far too much time working on this. Of course, it's hugely important. If I'm unhealthy and if I stay weighing this much, I'm not going to be of much use or help to anyone in my family. But at the same time, it's not a little project that I can focus on for awhile, complete it, and then move on. I can't put my life (and more importantly, my daughter's life) on hold until I get this done.

The last tiem I struggled with this, I decided I didn't have enough time to get to the pool for exercise. I was already hanging on by a thread, and this didn't do me any favors. It was the start of the period in which I gained 35+ pounds back. I'm not going back there.

One thing that helps right now is that my husband and I have been riding our stationary bike. We each can only really do 15 minutes, but it's something. I'm really going to try to go to the pool tonight. Dinner will be basically done. I have to help my daughter with school work BEFORE I go - that's not negotiable. I feel like if I can just get a few weeks of getting everything done - school, meals, my work, water aerobics - then it will flow much better. So often, one of those things falls by the wayside, and some of them have to be mandatory.

I really (really) like my pool workouts, and really want to be able to get there. As they say...if you really want it, you'll make it happen. Otherwise, you'll make excuses.